Burnout… (This started off as a Facebook post…)

I started typing this on Facebook in an attempt to write from the heart, but as I was typing it dawned on me that Facebook is not the place to do that.  So I transposed it to my blog instead. I definitely don’t want to be the friend that whines on Facebook about all their personal shit. Eww.

The last few months have been really challenging for me. Like the kind of challenging that serves the potential to send a girl right into a third-life crisis.  Mostly, though, the last few months have been a step in the right direction.  Perhaps this will be an evolving point for my blog… My life.?

Between my changing job status, health issues and other grown-up BS… (blah, for being an adult…) my stress level has been somewhere close to Britney’s in 2007. Leaving work and going back to school was scary considering how much of myself I had committed to my career. I had resigned myself to never going back for my BSW or Master’s because I was certain I could not juggle the workload, family, and school and still remain sane and minimally grumpy.  I was ok with being a Substance Abuse Counselor for the rest of my career and getting paid less than I was worth. I was okay with this because I honestly loved my job. I met incredible people, learned a lot and confirmed my love of the helping profession. Counseling, on its best days invigorates me, draws me in and inspires me to be a better person.  I valued my work so much it started to become a huge part of my identity.

When I left my job in December it was a leap of faith and the safety net was woven a bit loosely for my standards. For months I had toyed with quitting my job and working toward my Master’s Degree. It seemed a bit unrealistic, as we had carefully crafted a  two-income lifestyle that in my head resembled a Jenga tower. Quitting my job felt a lot like pulling the blocks out of the tower. Suddenly I was changing gears and was back to being a stay-at-home mom/student.

Since I quit work I’ve started to solve some of my health issues.  I found a Doctor who heard my complaints and actually listened, rather than throwing another prescription drug at me.  After some blood tests, it is “Probable” that I have Celiac disease. I have more testing to come, but I have already started to explore this new lifestyle.  When I tell people about my new health findings I often get a look that reminds me of the face people make when you tell them you recently lost a close family member. (I understand because that was me a few months ago.) I am frankly excited for the change, as it brings the faint glimmer of hope for less misery, fatigue, and general malaise.

Some days I feel like I’m failing at adulting. My J.O.B. is gone and my J.O.B. was who I had become.  One of my classes required me to post  a video recording to introduce myself. I realized I spent my entire introduction talking about my career, and only briefly mentioned who I was outside of work.    In my family we value hard work highly, and while I am happy that kind of work-ethic was instilled into me from a young age, now I am learning to balance my work-ethic and self-care.

Since I walked away from work I have had more energy, felt less irritable, and have started to pursue my own personal growth, something I had exchanged for a full time job. I’ve spent more time in my kids’ classrooms and bedtime snuggles have seemed less like a chore and more like a privilege.  I’m gradually building my small jewelry business and maintaining consistency so that this doesn’t end up as another forgotten hobby. My days are less about the grind of having a lot of things, working, and paying the bills and more about enjoying the moments.  Problems that have arisen I have had the time to address and resolve rather than hide from and pretend they don’t exist.

So here is to my thirties, where I am choosing to live my life less about things and more about the people and ideas that I love. Here is to living life with intention, spending with intention, learning a new way of eating, exploring new facets of myself and my family that I was missing. May this also serve as a reminder to myself that when my degree is done and I go back into the field that I not lose my identity to my career. Self-care is not optional.

xoxo-Hillary

Statement Necklaces- A quick guide to rocking some flashy baubles!

I am a fan of statement necklaces! I have more statement necklaces than I know what to do with. So often I have people say to me “I love your necklace, but I could never pull it off”. I’ve heard this even more since I started selling Chloe and Isabel jewelry. 

Well, I am here to challenge that.

There is no reason you can’t wear a statement necklace, whether you’re a jeans and teeshirt kind of girl, or if you are a classic, little black dress kind of girl.  Here are a few pointers for wearing these stunners!

1. Pair with a chambray top.  Chambray is in fashion now, and it’s classic at the same time.  Chambray can be dressed up, or down depending on your mood or the occasion. The simple, neutral top makes a perfect backdrop for a dazzling statement necklace.

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2. With a plain tee. (White, grey, black or blue) Doesn’t matter. If you choose a color that is not neutral just be sure that this color compliments colors in the necklace. Notice I didn’t say match, I said compliment. Matching is OK, but mastering complimentary colors bump your style game from novice to expert. (Jeans and t-shirt girls, this is for you.)

3. With a solid sweater. A statement necklace is a great way to add interest to a basic sweater. Perfect for fall!

4. With a printed sweater. I know this may be a little unexpected, but this look totally works. The blues tie the two pieces together.

Look for commonalities in shapes, color, texture. If your print is the focus of attention, choose a statement necklace with simpler lines so the pieces aren’t competing.

Plaid, surprisingly enough, works great with the right statement necklace!

5. With your favorite LBD.  A statement necklace is a great way to complete your look when wearing a little black dress.

Make sure your neckline works with your necklace!

6. With a graphic tee! What better way to pull together your outfit, than with a statement necklace!? Throw a denim jacket over it and you have a complete look!

These suggestions are just to get you started, really your options are limitless. Remember the most fashionable women throw the “Rules” of fashion out the door and try something unique!  If these guys can do it, so can you. 

Check out our gorgeous statement necklaces on my website.

Did I miss any? Add your photos in the comments below for more ways to wear a statement necklace!

xoxo- Hillary

A Shout Out to Melissa McCarthy

Several years ago, around the release of Tammy, my younger brother (who is rather insightful and wise beyond his twenty-two years) mentioned that he was disappointed to see Melissa McCarthy playing another role as a crass, obnoxious, “fat girl”.  He commiserated that the roles she plays in the movies she has appeared in tend to fit one type of character, and that he felt she was a better actress than the roles she had been given. I agreed with him at the time but really put little thought into it beyond the context of the conversation.

Due to recent media attention for her fashion line “for all sizes”  this buxom babe has been on my mind. First, let me point out that I think she is generally a badass… She represents a talented, successful woman who, according to Forbes magazine as the third highest paid actress in the world… Damn girl!!!!

Also, for her fashion line she partnered with Seven7 brand who happens to be my number one, favorite brand of plus size jeans. They. Fit. PERFECTLY! (Try ’em if you don’t believe me!) Good choice, Melissa!  I would like to applaud Melissa for designing clothes that are getting away from the term “Plus Size”. For obvious reasons, I too, am not a fan of this term, or the criteria that deems a woman to be “plus size”.  I’m not a fan of being labeled, and apparently, either is Melissa.

But now to get to the crux of the issue: Consider the more major roles she has played on film.  To name her higher grossing films, Bridesmaids, Identity Thief, The Heat, Tammy. The common denominator in these roles is that she plays a woman who a) is considered overweight by societal standards. b)is rude, belligerent, uncouth. c)is generally disheveled, or “butch” or class-less. (Please note that butch is not meant to be demeaning here but not all big women are “butch”.)  Of course her television roles tend to be gentler such as that in Mike and Molly, Gilmore Girls, and so on. I suspect this has to do with the B-class status of television actresses and programming. Food for thought…

My concern is that the roles that she plays on film tend to have a negative connotation that speaks volumes as to Hollywood’s depiction of full-figured women. We all know media’s portrayal of how women should look has detrimental effects on the egos of young girls and adult women alike. We are supposed to look a certain way to be considered beautiful, and then to add insult to injury, when curvaceous women are portrayed as bad tempered, generally lazy and tacky it doesn’t do much to promote a more positive image of plus size women.

But I won’t lie, I laughed at her movies because she is undeniably a great actor. Under the abrasive demeanor of her characters is often a more multi-dimensional woman, which reflects the quality of her acting. I would love to see her play a role that depicts her as the intelligent, sexy capable woman that she seems to be. I have hope that her role in Ghostbusters will do just that. Fingers crossed!

-Signing off

Hillary

Self-Acceptance and Fashion… how do these go together?

First Post… No pressure or anything!  Welcome and thanks for checking out my first blog post! Skeptical or not…  (For those of you who did, maybe someday when I’m rich and famous you’ll get a kick-back. I got you.) Let me explain why I felt like I was capable of writing a blog that was worth the time and effort to create.

First, however, let me give you a little background.  I’m a glutton for punishment and I chose to become a substance abuse counselor! But seriously, all joking aside, I have an amazing job and love the line of work I am in. Granted, it can be incredibly challenging and requires a lot of self-care (a topic I will likely write about in the future).  At work I facilitate groups every week on self-acceptance and women’s recovery groups.  In my three years in the biz I have learned that self-acceptance is one of my pet-theories.  I believe the foundation to being a HEALTHY and HAPPY individual is self-acceptance. Not self-esteem. Now, maybe this is the first time you have thought about the fact that there is difference between the two.  Or maybe you’ve never even heard the term self-acceptance.  Or maybe you’re an old pro and you’re thinking “Tell me something I didn’t already know, woman.” Bear with me.

To clarify, self-acceptance is a far more universal acceptance of who we are than self-esteem.  Esteem implies that we recognize or worth, which don’t get me wrong, is great. The great thing about self-acceptance is that it even embraces that side of us that can be a little (or a lot) shitty from time to time.  The side of us that makes mistakes, and is less-than-perfect. It embraces our darker side, our imperfections, and our flaws.  It embraces our stretch marks, love handles, stinky farts, and bad moods.

Let me be clear that self-acceptance also doesn’t limit us from self-improvement.  It gives us the opportunity to be okay with who we are in the here and now so we can enjoy the moment. Whether that moment is spent eating a big ol’ juicy burger, or a salad. Whether it’s spent watching Netflix in our sweats or doing cardio at the gym.  (I prefer the former, I won’t lie!)

In my few years teaching Self-Acceptance to my clients I have also embraced self-acceptance personally.  I am an average sized woman. I wear a size 16 and shop in the “Plus Sizes” and have zero shame about that now.  After years of hating my body I finally decided I was done with that.  I was tired of making myself miserable because I wasn’t a size 4, and likely never would be.  It took time to fully embrace the idea that my body was okay the way it was.

  I appreciate my body for what it is now. My body is a tool.  A powerful, incredible tool.  It has carried and birthed three amazing children (hence the stretch-marks). It is transportation for my mind and my soul.  Now I choose to treat my body like the temple that it is.  I try to eat healthy for the most part.  I recently eliminated soda from my diet (woohoo!) I don’t put mind-altering chemicals in my body and best of all…. I decorate my temple.

I love putting outfits together.  I love finding clothes that help me represent who I am. I enjoy doing makeup and hair.  I am an artistic person by nature so I like to get creative with my look.  The things I do with my hair, makeup, clothes, I do for myself.

I’d like to share the things that inspire me, the outfits that make me feel good and the things I do to take care of myself so that you might be inspired to do the same. Stay tuned… 😉

Hello world!

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Happy blogging!